Hi. I am a 20 year old currently living at home who just found out I am pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby. We have been together for nearly 5 years and we are both 20 year old juniors in college. We had planned on getting married in about 2 or 3 years and starting a family a year or two after that. Now, however, we find ourselves having to come up with a new plan.
I am about 10 weeks along and we are struggling to figure out whether adoption or keeping the baby is the right answer. Neither of us believe abortion is the right answer, so no need to address that! He feels as though adoption is the best decision for all of us (him, the baby, and me), however, I feel like we could make it if we kept the baby.
If we choose to keep the baby, I have offered to work full time as a dental assistant while he continues to pursue his education. We have more support than we could have ever hoped for no matter what we choose. Everyone has offered to help care for the baby while we make ends meet and his mom has even offered to watch the baby while we are at school or work.
His main concern is that we would be forced into a marriage and would not last. However, I have been sure to tell him that we don’t have to get married immediately. Not until we’re ready, really. All I want is to give this baby the chance to live with his/her real parents. We both love kids and have always looked so forward to having children together. Now that it has happened though, it is hell on earth.
I understand that keeping this baby myself is an option, however, because we are committed to each other and had been planning on getting married (still do, just don’t agree when at the moment!), I don’t think I could just leave him because he doesn’t think keeping the baby is the right choice. We have agreed to make a decision TOGETHER and it has been one of the most difficult things either of us have EVER faced.
We are supposed to see a counselor (maybe premarital) starting in a couple weeks to try to figure out how to work through this, but I wanted to see if anyone had advice for us!? We know rushing into a marriage isn’t the right thing, because we WOULD feel forced into it, however, how can we decide whether or not to keep this precious little one?
I have always believed that if you are pregnant you should at least carry the baby. I’ve also always believed that if you are capable of giving a baby a good life, you should keep your baby and love him/her to the very fullest. This is why I don’t know if I could just give my little blessing away. I understand I could bless another family with such a great gift, however, I don’t feel in my heart that it is truly the right answer for us.
Thank you for reading. I really do hope to gain some insight.